Sometimes we walk and wonder off to nowhere and end up where we are. Sometimes we walk and know every single step but feels like we went nowhere. Least, not far. Then, one of those days we walk and we watch.
She walked and it was just your typical breezy fall day. Actually it was night swallowing the diminishing evening, pardon. There is perhaps an antsy feeling of unease to be alone, but the night is beautiful all the same; where you are partially blinded by the sporadic streetlights and oncoming cars. And frightened of your own breath and shadow.
Unfortunately for her, her house resides way down at the bottom of the hill. Actually it’s just a mile, not so far, but for the cold and hungry, it’s a different ball game.
Fears have a way of crawling up your throat and tingling your senses. The world is watching. Beware. They approach, a line of young men in the dark. Promiscuous? Intimidating? Sinister. But they past and the world is just going daisies on you, because the next fall leaf fell and a row of hardly matured minded young boys past. Hardly skips a beat.
Night also has a way of seducing you to walk right into the middle of the road. And mechanical automobiles have a way of being blind. But she is not hit, so she keeps walking. The corner cafe is still thriving and she wonders if her peers are regarding her just then as they had before. Then she comes upon the dance studio. Filled with petite young girls twirling in pandemonium. She had been one of them before as well. Ballerinas they called it. Then all of a sudden she feels a bit dramatic – an older gentleman stares through the windows from the entrance – perhaps a perverted bastard. But no, he turns with the face of complete benign resonance – a father.
So what do you see when you walk down the street. She turns in caution and in thought. Inside, there’s an ancient Chinese shrine (excuse me for lack of better wording) that carries, what she had always felt, were ominous red lights. They frightened her as a child, and frankly, still exuded quite a bit of a chill tonight. The porcelain goddess regards her in her perfect poise and the girl recounts on childhood memories; the lonesome deity whipped herself a row of dusty soldiers. What also bothered her is the contradiction of the blue background, interrupted briefly by an eerie dance between a lone wooden chair and it’s sturdy maiden table, she wonders if that house is of grief.
Some days, she loves to make things theatrical, and so she saw a little girl waiting for the photo copier to sigh it’s last wish and contemplated her life. Grand, spacious, and oddly fulfilled with kitchen counter was the front room. She has to be completing a favor for her father. What a sad child. She stood forlorn and patient in front of the whirring machine which the girl could not hear from the street. And she just got absorbed into that large empty space and wondered briefly, why there stood a white cabinet in front of the door? What’s the skeleton inside the closet?
Then again, sometimes you have little flash backs on seemingly basic common activities. The girl reminisces upon her time at a senior home she volunteered at. The old woman was struggling and crying. Her hand shook and her face contorted into a wretched effort to hold the brush still. She dabs raucously and the paint blurred upon the next. The other woman sat serene and gentle. Then she broke into a song with a voice recognized to have been pretty a few decades earlier. The girl speaks with her, and guides her hand into forming any shape onto her canvas. She responds : Oh.. I see. Yes, I see. And continues to stare into an alternate space confined, and excluded of the world. Alas, there remained the sunken old woman who had thrived with the spirit that opted the zest for life and danced sitting on her wheelchair. She sat dull, a purple bruise on her cheekbone, and looked up in her tell-tale red sunglasses. They are all a little lost. Fumbled, but they recount 30 years since now like yesterday. They speak. Half an hour. Then an hour.
Some days, we all learn to listen.
-Watch and learn.