That used to be my nick name back when I first began high school as your little freshmen grade 8; who just marveled at all the nooks and crannies of a much larger environment..I had another one in elementary that was magic fingers, but let’s not get any dirty ideas here.

I remember that nickname (laughing) came about one day from a boy who had an (unknown) crush on me. During the first week of class, he mentioned it aloud right when there was a pause in the atmosphere – as there always are during a new classroom – and everyone stared, and I just burst out laughing.

Real, genuine laughter that came about from nothing.

That was when there was no preconception or underlying effect to laughter – especially from a girl. There was no pretentious mockery least I hope not, but I was too busy laughing to really notice. Or care for the matter.

Back in the innocence of grade 8 I laughed because everyday was fucking magical (might I borrow from Le Clown), and it was one of those euphoric moments that now becomes a eureka moment. And if you really think about it, it’s saddening that the cycle’s backwards. Shouldn’t it be that as children we learn not to be bashful and enjoy ourselves, then reap what we sowed as adults?

But then we learn that Disney is slight of perversion in disguise and E.T left and everything is a dull thud.

I’m not going to lie and say that it doesn’t get harder to have genuine boasts of cackles, and that despite my title I am definitely not always flying off the right kind of crack, but when those days happens it’s kind of magical… It’s sort of beautiful, no? Appreciating your own laughter for the first time, the one that numerous times before you always despised to be hiccup-like, seizure prone and manly-snorts..According to another boy.

lucifer

Take a moment to reminisce on what you fantasized to do had you gotten hold of tinker-bell and sprinkled her faerie dust all over you. Else, dominating the world with Gus Gus and taking on one mean old Lucifer at a time. 

A couple days ago, my friend asked me what I wanted to do with my life. That is perhaps the most depressing and redundant question I’ve ever heard. What do you mean what I’m doing with my life? I’m living it already. For some people, people who have bad days and very bad thoughts, who struggle to walk the thin line of where they stand, that is amazing already. And for the matter of fact, I do not want an excess amount of money, or fame, or being able to visit a fancy restaurant each weekend and wear elaborate clothing (as she fantasized). She found that rather hard to believe.

Is it hard to possess the simple ideal of things in life and see them as they are?
I’ve never demanded much of life. If I were to be killed tomorrow at a restaurant by some stranger holding a gun, so be it. I’ve lived to the fullest of my abilities and experienced for all I’m worth. And had it been a bad day.. well relief came sooner than I thought – plus I won’t even be at fault !

No advises intended.

If there were to be anybody that I had gotten this smart idea from, it was from lazing off the day before and watching the most popular video on youtube at the moment – the funniest oscar speech from jennifer lawrence. Yeah, judge. I judge myself also. I spent the next hour watching clips of Ellen.

Oh, and how I laughed !  Miss-Laughs-A-Lot has been slumbering, or slacking more likely as she is also me. But she’s kinda, sortof, failing, fumbling, tumbling fighting back one ugly rainy day at a time.  Now however, she is going to immerse herself in the first modern day show that she’s deemed acceptable. It’s the New Girl. Metaphorical?

Cackles.