I’ve never felt a post readily bubble up all abouts the inside of the Duck. It is a strange feeling.
Today I must say, was a rather good day. Even if I didn’t get to eat squat; Chocolate bunnies or marshmallow Peepers and otherwise. In retrospect, I should say I am unfulfilled in this most monumental act of Easter.
I have to
begrudgingly admit that I don’t really know the true essence of Easter, but if the Duck may proclaim herself, it has to do with something nice. And we all know just how nice the Duck is.
Just to give
myself you actual credits, I’ve somehow been put on the spotlight of sunshine. The Duck isn’t a big fan of hot summer days. Sunshine today made my hard groomsmenship and my lovely preened feathers go to waste. Sunshine then tried to make up for it by becoming a Sunshine Award. Just for me.
I guess we’re even.
Given to me by Jenny Li ; pardon me for sounding ageist but my goodness the thoughts in that bio for a 14 year old. I don’t even remember when I was fourteen,granted it wasn’t that entirely long ago. It’s a little depressing.
Whatever, the Duck remains her own species.
So, as we all know, since this is an entirely different and
way better modest species, I’m going to evade the spotlight a bit. More specifically, I’m going to skip on ahead to my own definition of why I deserve the award was made for me, much as I dislike sunshine.
The beginning of the story sucks. It makes the Duck out to be such a introverted bad guy, not really putting the effort to socialize with new people when she’s really just depressed to be dragged out onto the beach in these brief deceitful spring days of Raincouver. Of which she was totally right to anticipate would drop to normal degrees once evening hits. And they had made fun of her for wearing normal clothing. Like jeans, and a sweatshirt, or a scarf. My feathers’ all fluff and hardly anything else.
So even if its with poor reason, the Duck was rather glad to be in familiar territory and on her way to cuddle up with her baby (cat). That’s when it happened. If you want to put a label on it, this little epiphany, or really just another story for the Duck to brag about occurred because of her misguided good mood. See, introverts and somewhat agoraphobics are good people too.
I walked across the bus station to get some change for bus fare at the local restaurant, and there was a man sitting down by the door way. He was probably early twenties. Pale skin, straggly long brown hair. A coquettish gentlemen’s hat upside down on the ground. Lip piercing, the butt of a cigarette smoking. He asked me for change, of which I surprisingly replied in complete honesty that I was walking into the restaurant to get change myself. He lightly inquired perhaps when I came out.
I’m not going to lie, I rather guiltily shrugged, not knowing what I would really do had I gotten change.
Life made it easy for the Duck. The restaurant was closing for the day. Else the Asian women there were being mean because they said they didn’t have anymore cash. I went out and told him that also. I couldn’t help him. He wished me a good day and looked grimly forward.
As of this day, I’m going to be very grateful to the Vietnamese restaurant my mother and I went to yesterday for giving me change. And the waiter there even remembered my mother – for her terrible Vietnamese skills no less. Nothing brings two people closer than a common uhm, victim right?
I don’t know what struck me as I walked out of that restaurant, I just knew, half muffled conscience that I was going to give him the rest of the change that I didn’t need. It came out to be $3.25. I know it isn’t winning the lottery, and this isn’t a reality TV show, and I’m hardly a saint, and he definitely did not pull the whole bowing with over exaggerated courtesy and showering of redundant complimentary remarks. It was one of those moments where it somehow happened so swiftly that when you try to recall it later on, everything just comes out unsure. You can’t account for the details, because the emotion attached to the situation had completely overridden anything else. That’s what it was like for me as I waved good bye to him on the bus, desperately hoping that he would look my way, and as it happened he looked just as my bus departed. He didn’t wave back, which I won’t lie and say I wasn’t a tad disappointed. But he did something better. Something seemingly so innate of him I couldn’t have asked for more. He paused, and simply nodded in acknowledgement.
I wish I could’ve seen his face clearer because I had neither contacts nor glasses. I won’t lie about this either. For a strangling few minutes, I questioned myself of the motive driving me to do something so reckless, to even bring about questioning looks from other passengers. I wondered whether or not I should’ve, or should actually run up even after sitting myself on the bus to ask him to promise me he would indeed use the money he has gained, and I know he had some more because the fist he reached towards me clinked with my change, only for the usage of necessary food. Or more specifically chicken chow mein as he had told me. Otherwise, I fantasized whether or not I should’ve told him some encouraging words without trying too hard to sound like an arrogant bastard. I did in fact fear the all time fear of giving a stranger, an easily mistaken stranger, change.
It’s not a huge surprise that the Duck is rather gullible, and on some levels, very naive as well. So yes, I asked myself, was that $3.25 wasted on the contribution of some euphoric shot? Could he have simply been a very collected liar to reply so calmly and thank me with such mundane modesty it shocked and delighted me in the realism of it ?
Even though his face is unclear in my head, the only remarkable thing I can recall being his lip piercing and his swath of dark clothing from head to toes, it was that nod that ultimately satisfied all.
With that simple acknowledgement of me even after I had given my part and he his. Even after he had no obligations to feign any kindness towards me. Right at the moment when my bus was leaving and from which then on we would probably never see each other again, he still saw me. And I hope he knows that I see him also.
I hope that the people walking past him would not judge too quickly in their minds his supposedly rugged character, because even from my view and blurred vision, I could almost see the sneer contorting their faces when they eyed him peripherally and whispered something to their company at hand. I hope even if they do not choose to give him any change, they could at least drop a smile and not look in condescension. I hope they find it in themselves to have some empathy for someone who, although many would digress, could’ve easily been me.
I’m well aware that many people may think me stupid and childish to conjure up this flattery and image of a good soul. He is neither, at least to the extent of my knowledge. And I’m very aware afterwards that he may be laughing right now and thinking me a crazy Asian nut. I don’t really care. I’ve been told many times before that I fall too easily for these ‘acts’. So I won’t be asking you what you think of my action. But I will ask, how do you react to someone who asks you for change on the street? Does their appearance change your decision? If in general you put up an indifference, do you ever feel guilt as you walk past them?
For me, walking home today, my webbed feet were surprisingly light. And that’s speaking for the steel-toed boots I had on.
**There are indeed questions tagging alongside this award, frankly this has become a long, and for some, probably tiresome post so please hop on over to Jenny to witness the probing inquiries of which the blogosphere can more closely
stalk understand you.
Hopefully you’ve all made it here for my nominees (no limit to numbers). I do want to say that I believe every one of you I follow deserve this award, its definition being someone who ‘positively and creatively inspire others on the blogosphere’, but damn it if I’m too lazy to only direct this to the people that are
overly VERY happy/optimistic. The kind that you know is right in what they’re teaching/saying, but you just want to smuffle on a bad day. Or ye know, they make me laugh. Yeah, cheerios to you guys.