I don’t know how confident you have to be to say that you have sexy, smoldering feet. I just checked google and there is evidently no such thing. Exibits A, B & C being either too scary (for the Duck) or raunchy, in which case the focus was very very much not on the feet.

So yeah, to post something about feet owes brilliance to shower ideas – where all great things come from.

flat feet
Flat. Feet. Haha. Puny.

The Duck personally does not understand your problem, since she has flat feet.

As a Duck.

But for the medium who tries her best to deliver the Duck’s finest sarcasm, well, she’s not so fond of her feet either. Don’t get her started with foot fetishes.

When the Duck thought about this rather deeply and insightfully, scrubbing her wings together all the while, it became evident that it was not just the Duck’s mind meander wanderings, it had universal backings. In ancient Chinese civilization, women strapped and bind their feet to torturous and stunting events. Small feet were just nice. I don’t know how nice it is now that my aunt has to shop in the kids sections for shoes though. She didn’t do it of course…I didn’t call her ancient. High heels are there also as a modern torture device, the things they do to your spine, and crushing those toes while gravity’s at it. -Shudders- The legend himself is referred to as Mr. Bigfoot and not big eyes or something, which frankly, I find more frightening, but you know, some people have no imagination. Then there was the vague and questionable memory of the Duck reading even Angelina Jolie doesn’t like her feet. Gorgeous actress can’t stand those vein-popping bizarrity either. I agree Angie, they are rather terrible things.

First, they might have been cute. You could recall them with fondness your personal brand of pacifier, that could taste in whichever way you wanted depending on how good you were at that hygiene thing. Tempting huh ? Some day though, they became less yummy, if they ever were, and more of that stinky, sweaty, blistering feet that you can call yours.

Now the Duck knows how important the feet are, plenty of studies out there telling us all those little dots of nerve points down there, they’re so important that we even have an event dedicated to ‘cold feet’ before one of your biggest day in life. They’re even substantial in sexual areas; apparently getting literally cold feet kills the arousal. Somebody try that out and tell me. Just tell your lover that the bucket of ice is for some kink.

Then there are also people who are foot models (bravo on the hot career), who the Duck wonders if they in fact had undergone some secret black market foot surgery. It’s not reasonable in the first place that you would put as much bullshit effort as you advertise into your feet on a daily bases. Believe you me, the Duck had tried soaking them when she was in grade 5. Did nothing but made them pruney and feel even colder when you get out. Plus the fact that each campaigned toe actually looks like a shortened perfectly manicured/filed/coated/french-tipped finger only stronger tells you its an alien. Even the pinkie looks pretty – case closed.

On the other hand, some rather cool feet out there would be like, paws.

They’re cute. They’re weaponry. They’re soft. And they’ve got pads so you don’t have to go through calluses.

Hooves are cool too, they make classy clicket-it-y clicking noises – which the Duck also tried to vainly imitate as a child while going on some tourist mountain hiking with her mother. Charming she must have been walking on her tiptoes, bending her knees and tapping them importantly on the pathway.

Bird claws? Well, for one they make for a good plate at dim sum, not that the Duck ever ate her brethren like that. You’ve got to pay your respects by eating their hard earned meat of course; born to die right?

Snakes are the ultimate though, no legs, no feet, no cry, right Bob Marley? I mean how cool would it be if we all just slithered around and resembled some Japanese horror.

But nope, we’ve got shoes so we can cover up those petty monsters.

The Duck can’t complain too much though, I mean, she can waddle.