No, never. I shall never part with the sweet euphoria of food. It’s against the code of nature. The elixir of human life, excuse me –  quality life – water, yes, whatever.

This subject has been well articulated many times before, but to be confronted with it among people I care about. Something must be done.

Two of my girlfriends today was questioning whether or not they should stop eating, because one of them has home-stays who would rather starve to look pretty then get their, perhaps then-voluptuous and now-stupid, asses to work out. It’s hard to believe that this stuff still goes on. I mean, I thought it existed in some remote area like Hollywood, far far away from the Duck, and now it has flown to yawn at my front door.

To begin, my friends are nowhere near what I would call overweight, and maybe that doesn’t matter to them because I’m their friend, and we’re girls, and we’re bias and liars and suck ups. Fine. They’re average. Actually, one of them is slender to a point. And she is the precise one that brought up this bombardage.

One of the reasons I could think of off the top of my head as to why they would even bother with this sort of overdue idiocy, is that they’re Korean, and that their idolized K-pop stars are largely known to be not fit, but skinny. I make no exaggeration when I say I have made myself watch them through their performances on YouTube of what I gather is supposed to be the reenactment of the infamous sexy American business, but made the Duck shrivel up quietly inside and just assume a mask of utter, complete loss on her face. It was not sexy guys. I know I’m a female, but even in my wildly lewd imagination I cannot fathom the joy in trying to get it on with a noodle. A noodle-doll. Yes, a pale white, false lashed, contact lensed noodle-doll, that is what I see in my head. The only way they managed to pull off any sort of arousal was in being the innocent-sexy. To which an Asian man-boy in the audience flushed and covered his face with a large foam finger dedicated to that particular group. It was just a wink. Maybe cause their floppy bodies couldn’t exert any more physical energy for entertainment. Everything just seemed languid and slow, and to me it screamed no muscle tone whatsoever. 

Now, maybe I’m getting tough on those far away K-pop stars. Partially because, well I really just don’t like them, so I’m as bias as a mother bear, and that the talks of them planning to invade the international level of celebrity status, as in coming on over to my country, really makes me want to build those ground holes they reserve for war times and live out the rest of my sage years alone with my cat and my books.

You see this? Hips - And I'm smiling.
You see this? Hips – And I’m smiling.

On the other hand, I just wanted to reminisce back on some favorites of the classic world – like Tinkerbell.

I know she gets all fussy with her hips width in a few moments after this shot, but the point is that she was admiring herself. Her slim waist to be exact – which was only that possibly exaggerated and noticed through the phenomenon of her larger hips.

Personally, the Duck doesn’t have gargantuan hips, or sadly, the elusive dipping waist, so she cannot say she proclaims this for herself, but she has noticed that somewhere along the way, her hips width did widen and nowadays she had to look for a different number than all her previous years. At first, she was actually offended. Quite so. The fact that magically, those childbearing regimens decided to expand without her permission made her angry, and the fact that the Duck’s sister has remained dainty and slender despite her wolf appetite made her insecure. The regale family also has no qualms to point in your face and decide on the spot whether or not you’re curvy enough or past their standards. Then she remembered when the Duck’s cousin had developed those curves first, and how she had had no qualms to encourage her and tell her how womanly her profile looked.

I actually did mean it. Then I look at myself. What a hypocrite.

When at the end, one of them complimented on the home-stay’s loss of weight by drawing the line of her body curves in the air, the Duck said something that is even more hypocritical – Go work out, fluffbutts. 

I know, I wouldn’t take that advice if it came in a platter of muffins myself, but as a friend, as a human girl, you gotta do what you’ve gotta do.