I didn’t mean to go on a trip down memory lane, but I clicked on my stats today and saw that an old post of mine had gotten new found attention. In an effort to find the original, I found these instead.
There’s certainly something about reading over your own words and marveling at the strangeness of it all. You somewhat recall your thought patterns, but sometimes you’re just genuinely confused over yourself. Many of the ones that caught my attention were intimate moments I caught on cyber paper. I note once again how incredibly sad I had been when I was 18. That was only 2 years ago. It’s such a beautiful and frightening experience to have these pieces at hand and I’m glad I had always maintained my transparency here. I hope you enjoy them.
I had loved this one having distinctly recalled how lost I was feeling that day, a theme you will recognize in some of these following. I had just moved out, as well into quite the neighborhood and it was my 2 years anniversary at WordPress. [ So the Candle Light Goes]
Many times it seems, I have reached out for my father. He’s passed 11 years now. I think I really did a figure in suppressing this urge for the past year until recent. [Smoke & Mirrors ]
[Lurid Questions] was something I definitively recollect. I started off wanting to know why I felt so anxious all the time. I had even been briefly entranced by my own words in this post when I first wrote it (shameless, I know), having felt I hit the jackpot of the world’s largest ongoing scrabble game between us writers.
This was one of the ones that I appreciate artistically, but in truth have no idea where my thoughts were headed to. It was extremely interesting to try and peek inside my own younger self even as she (I) had published these very words trying to invite the world into her’s(mine). [Older]
[For the Love of Language] was a tough one to swallow even as I have lived through it. A lot of confusion, frustration, and sadness went into those words. When you mentally remove yourself to read such words, the phenomenon of finally understanding why we would never speak to others like we do ourselves comes to mind. I still wonder why I thought this. Perhaps even still think so.
Last one, to end on a more inquisitive note. [Perverse Remarks] came about at my realization that when I had first ventured into inducing sexuality in my themes, they were not quite well received by my then-high-school female audiences. I never got that so I wrote this instead.
I’d invite all of you to do this for yourself. See what you find, let me know if it shocks and delights you.