“You don’t have to be gracious about it…there are times to be gracious and there are times to take different approaches.”
-Newborn mom & girlfriend of mine.
They say you’re growing even if you take two steps forward and one step back.
It’s hard to recite those seemingly lurid moments of your most foul thoughts unfurl. Particularly in the dark early hours when your conscience thinks it can circumvent morality.
A throbbing two weeks later, and I’ve still been having a tough time with the break up.
What’s wrong with me? I tend to think.
I easily disown these feelings and thoughts later in the day; so caught up in trying to be mentally wiser and tougher than I am, I even believe it every so often over the course of a day. When the sun has risen, I temporarily misplace my memories of him and I hardly feel anything at all – until tomorrow morning at 5:30am. Quietly. Secretly. I’ll just lay there with my eyes closed and think. Churning, angry, accusatory thoughts – quickly trying to absolve that blubbering girl who took on the emotional toll of her own introspective transparency. Unknowingly tightening my limbs as if I could either fight or flight from my own self.
But there is beauty in life. And so many more laughter to be had.
My old roommate, who has since moved across the country and have been traveling almost a decade, started her own blog (CrazyMagnetMe) recently to recount her many notable anecdotes. Her humor just lit my heart on fire. Here’s a woman who enjoys herself and her time. How did you so easily fetch me out of my own head?
With permission granted, I’m grateful to have these natural feminine forces in life that allows me my childish spite. They remind me this ironically gentle rage, does not denote a lack thereof. What’s a love-hate relationship after all? As if anybody has ever coined that.